They’ll “approach each other similarly.”With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries.Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said.Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.“Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”2. Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment.Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.
These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”8. If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”Consider seeking support through resources, too.
Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.7. Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first.
When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said.
Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.4. Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said.
We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries.
Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others.