The Internet is a dark, dark place, filled with the sort of intensely weird cultural artifacts that should've been buried long ago along with my J-14 subscription.Proof of this came to me when I discovered the Zayn Malik dating simulator during a late-night thirst quest and realized that there was still an entire webful of weird, fan-made, choose your own adventure-esque games that allow you to live out a fantasy date with your celeb crush of choice.At least his last one turned out relatively normal.Kiss Paris Hilton is all about getting everyone's favorite early-aughts debutante to make-out on the DL with other stars.Indeed, he's been so famous for being famous that it's easy to forget about the extraordinary gifts that spawned the celebrity.He's become a true champion at Barcelona, selflessly in the shadow of Leo Messi, and you know how good he is when Pele starts muttering that no way can he become the new Pele.Hilton can't PDA with big-dicked Jared Leto, because she can't be photographed kissing another celeb! Get on a rollercoaster and have Leto and Hilton make out for as long as you can without someone photographing them.
Yet it's nice for him to be reminded of his greatness by wandering round a museum that he's bankrolled on the island to be a shiny shrine to himself.
And I think the fact that they have their very own crossover dating sim is evidence of their...impact.
In this particular game, you're Jack Frost, invisible to all but the beautiful (and uh, extra-booby) Elsa who is super stoked to have you hang out at her royal ball.
This set-up here is less of a self-absorbed celebrity quiz bowl, and more of a sim set up that allows you to pick the least shitty/creepy thing to say in hopes that Zayn will be into it.
If you have any semblance of dating etiquette and forget everything Tinder has taught you, you should be making out with this newly single stud in no time. Choose from 4 possible scenarios, which will either result in a "sexy," "romantic," "good" or "bad" ending -- though after playing through all of the options, I can tell you there's a pretty good chance you'll end up impregnated with the newest member of the Coppola clan.
It's literally just a weird Mitt Romney running mate simulator.